Thursday, January 15, 2015

From the Mage's mouth

Hello adoring audience, your normal writer Jed has been sidelined for numerous reasons that he has assured me are not made up or pathetic. He asked me to cover for him I've chosen to pretend that he isn't a complete slacker and have taken pity on him. So you get to enjoy my amazing writing. Who am I? Why I'm the amazing, outstanding, and oh so awesome Archmage Jedem!

You may recognize me from the image in the banner of this blog. Sadly that photo is from years ago when I was younger and slightly less experienced but as often happens to people, I've come a long way since then. Why these days at my disposal I have several weapons of mass destruc.... uhm pretend you didn't hear that and if the mages guild asks you, you have never heard that term before. Let's just say that I am even more awesome than I used to be. Why am I here writing this blog post instead of off adventuring in the past Draenor or saving some damsels from distress or drinking many wonderous alcoholic beverages? Well like I said, Jed is a slacker. He asked me to regale you folks with stories of my amazing adventures. That bum knows how to appeal to my one weakness, talking about my awesomeness.

So where do we begin? How about the latest adventure I had and trust me its a good one. I went back in TIME to another PLANET to save the Draenei AND all of the current inhabitants of Azeroth from being destroyed in another war with the Orcish Horde. I'm of course not talking about the current multi-race Horde that we all know and hate. I'm talking about the current Orc's parents who were in the orginal Horde! Apparently after we defeated the crybaby with daddy issues, Garrosh, he somehow broke free at his trial and managed to go back in time to Draenor before it became the Outlands that we all know and dislike today. Because he did that the timeline of Draenor split into a new timeline where the Orc Horde became known as the Iron Horde and they apparently realized drinking demon blood was bad and have decided to attack the current Azeroth through time portals. Confusing as all get out right?

Suffice it to say that I've been neck deep in dead Orcs, Ogres, and everything else that tried to kill me on Draenor. Now I barely liked the Outland when I went the first time and had to fight off everything trying to kill me and now that I've seen what it used to be before it all went kaput, I like the place even less! No wonder the Orcs were super angry and wanted to come to our planet back in the day, if I lived on a planet where EVERYTHING IS TRYING TO KILL YOU I'd want to leave too. There have been some cool things on Draenor though, I've gotten to kill a bunch of Orcs. Who doesn't love slaughtering Orcs? I've also run into some Draenei and for the most part they've been pretty cool.

Out of all the Draenei I've met I gotta say that Yrel is definitely my new favorite. Clearly she has a thing for me because it seemed like everywhere I was on Draenor, she magically appeared to "lend a hand." As if I'd need a hand killing Orcs! It was such a weak attempt to cover up for the fact that like every woman I've met, she has fallen for me. It happens to me all the time. Aysa Cloudsinger, Jaina Proudmoore, Katrana Prestor, and Brigitte Abbendis are just a few of the many lovely ladies that I've had chase after me. Although now that I think of it, the last two on that list did try to kill me but I just assumed that when I spurned their advances, they were a tad bit angry with me. Such is the life of Jedem the amazing. I can't even step foot in Silvermoon without huge numbers of Blood Elves mobbing me.

Anyway back to my Draenor adventures, most recently a group of friends and I decided to venture into the Highmaul area and see about punching some Ogres in the face. That Kargath guy was not happy when I tried to high five him. You'd think he'd have a better sense of humor but I guess when you live in fear of slicing off a body part when you go to blow your nose, you tend to not enjoy life as much.That Butcher guy was also not a barrel of laughs and no matter what he offers you to eat...just don't eat it. Trust me on that. That Tectus thing was kind of weird and he farted out red clouds at us which was both rude and horrifying. Don't even get me started on the Twin Ogron because those two were obsessed with fire and charging around after people. I guess they must not have a lot of friends because they kept trying to kill us. Go figure.

Oh and before I forget I had to get a group together and kill Ragnaros AGAIN! I swear this is the third time I've had to fight that guy! First I fought him like 9 years ago in the Molten Core when some dumb Dark Iron Dwarves summoned him and then I had to go into the Firelands 4 years ago because of that Deathwing deciding to make buddies with Rag. Now I had to go BACK INTO MOLTEN CORE! For some reason he decided to come back to his old stomping grounds and cause trouble but thankfully I was able to put him back into his place. It was weird being back there and seeing all the same crap I saw so long ago. Hopefully this time he stays dead and gone but realistically someone one in the future will decide that the world needs some more fiery destruction and they'll manage to summon Ragnaros again. At least I'm experienced at killing him or banishing him or whatever it is that happens each time I kill him.

So that's what I've been up to so far. As you can see, unlike that slacker Jed I've been very busy so far. He has no excuse for not keeping up with this so called blog. Lazy bum. He just reminded me that he is doing something called "streaming" and that you should all go subscribe, whatever that means. I honestly don't know why anyone even reads this "blog" but I guess people must get very bored. Well it was nice talking about myself and my adventures but I have to go save the world again. Until the next time that bum Jed needs help, I'll be off adventuring. /wave

No comments:

Post a Comment